Soap Box: Phil of Duck Dynasty

There has been controversy over a TV show called Duck Dynasty.  I don't watch it although I think Todd and I might enjoy it if we did.  We don't watch a lot of TV.  But I wanted to state my two cents.  For two reasons, one of them being so that when my children are faced with similar problems they know where I stood and what I believe.  And two, I think that to often christian conservatives wish the fight to just go away.  We want to be tolerant and loving.  We are not out looking to fight.  And because of that, we have been bulldozed by those who are vocal but who are few.  It's time to politely stand up and say enough is enough!

You can look up the articles I'm sure.  But the shortened condensed version is that the actor said some remarks about gays.  And now A&E network has banned him from the show.  The official statement on that from the family is "We want to thank all of you for your prayers and support. The family has spent much time in prayer since learning of A&E's decision. We want you to know that first and foremost we are a family rooted in our faith in God and our belief that the Bible is His word. While some of Phil’s unfiltered comments to the reporter were coarse, his beliefs are grounded in the teachings of the Bible. Phil is a Godly man who follows what the Bible says are the greatest commandments: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart” and “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Phil would never incite or encourage hate. We are disappointed that Phil has been placed on hiatus for expressing his faith, which is his constitutionally protected right. We have had a successful working relationship with A&E but, as a family, we cannot imagine the show going forward without our patriarch at the helm. We are in discussions with A&E to see what that means for the future of Duck Dynasty. Again, thank you for your continued support of our family."

I have two arguments.  First off, A&E is a private business.  It is not run by the government.  They have the right to stand up and say we don't agree with your anti gay statements or beliefs so we are going to suspend you. It needs to go both ways though people.  The one thing that bugs me more than anything else is the hypocrisy.  It's great that A&E has suspend the anti gay actor.  But when the local flower shop said we would like to respectfully not do the flowers for your gay wedding there was a lawsuit from the state.  They did not say you couldn't shop here.  Just that we do not want to support your wedding.  It's a private business.  Hobby lobby should have the right to do business the way they believe.  A&E should get the same shake.  When I have an opinion, I stick to it with both sides.  I do not want to take A&E's right away.  I say to A&E if you really believe that way--stick to it.  Don't be bullied into and then slack off because of the money.  Do it for principle.
BUT I want to also say I think it's hypocritical from the gay activist.  We are preached to about being more tolerant.  But tolerance is only a one way street right now.  There is no tolerance for those who are old fashioned.  Anyone who still believes in bible based values: there is no tolerance for those who want to speak out about those values.  We have a freedom of speech until we give it up.  I WILL NOT GIVE IT UP WITHOUT A FIGHT.  And there is a war going on to suppress Christian, bible based, conservatives.  I will fight for your right to play R rated movies on the TV.  I got rid of my TV, atleast for now. You are free to state how backwards you think Phil is for saying that sodomy is sinful, but shouldn't he be free to express his opinion as well?  He was crude, but Phil was not hateful.  He was not vindictive.  He was not violent.  And He wasn't being a bully either.  Read his statements.  Look at how he treats people.  If he was treating people badly or being violent, bullying, or the such--then it's a different conversation.  But he wasn't, he isn't, and he has a right to state his beliefs just like everyone else.  Even if those beliefs seem to be outdated.

To this point I haven't stated how I believe on the subject of gays--but I say it now.  I agree with him.  I think it's sinful.  Having said that, we had a lesbian couple as next door neighbors. We were polite and friendly.  We gave them gas money when they needed it.  We offered a cup of sugar, and we borrowed salt.  We tried to be good neighbors and treat them with the respect that as a human being they deserved.  However, their smoke made me sick.  And it annoyed me when it came in my house.  I was glad they moved out not because of their sexual preferences but because of normal neighborly things like their smoke and a water issue.  But we tried to be good neighbors.

Kaje's blessing

After Thanksgiving while family was out, we blessed Kaje.  We blessed him at the Jadwin Chapel in the RS room.  Our poor recently called 2nd counselor (Brother Halter) set up 12 chairs for us.  And we filled the room.  We feel so loved and supported. 

 Todd gave him the name of Kaje Thomas Nef.  I've put in past posts the significance of that name to us.  In the circle was Grandpa Cook, Grandpa Tingey, Uncle Trent Nef, Uncle Sean, Uncle Jonathan, and brother Halter.  Their families also attended along with Uncle Byron Burrup, The Woods, The Christiansens, The Hallets, the Hanks,  The Vances came down from Seattle.  Uncle Rich would have stood in the circle, but he had to get back to work, so we enjoyed his family.  Uncle John came and my dad and his wife Sandra.

Kaje wore an outfit that Todd's mom gave us.  This is an out fit that Todd wore as a boy.  It's not the traditional white.  And Kaje would have fit in Kolt's traditional outfit, but then I would have had to choose who to give it to.  All of my kids have been blessed at different sizes so they all have their own blessing outfit to take with them when they become parents.

 Natalie, Aunt Lorna, and Devarie who is one week older than Kolten.

 TJ and Kaylee

 Garth and my Dad

 Grandma and Grandpa Cook

 Todd and Kolten

 Quinn and Kaje

 Janice and Kaylee

Cyntha and Sean. I have some cute pictures of Dot, but they all have her kids in them.  And because they are foster kids, I can not post their pictures.  But they are cute kids.
After we blessed Kaje, Grandpa Cook ordained Trevor to be a priest.  He kept trying to ordain Trent, but Trent gently reminded him it was Trevor. 
It was so good to have everyone there.  And Kaje is now in the records of the church!  We are so grateful to have him as part of our family.

Thanksgiving/November 2013

Daddy making Kolt feel better.  They may have had a rocky start.  But Kolt is all daddy's now!

In November, all the kids got their teeth cleaned.  We came to learn that Kaylyn has bad teeth.  She had 4 cavities, one cap, one root canal.  No more skipping brushings when we travel or stay up late or skipping flossing.  She was very upset when she came out of the anestesia.  She screamed until it wore off.  But she screamed they hadn't fixed her teeth yet.  She still doesn't like to talk about it much.  She is showing off her wand and crown here she got for being such a good girl.

Kaje has started sleeping through the night, most nights.  He also went from being itty bitty to big all of a couple of days.  And he has learned to smile.   He loves to be talked to!!  He use to cuddle up, and now, he is always leaning back trying to see your face.

This picture of Kaje warms my heart and helps me do hard things.  I also like this picture of our kids helping daddy to clean our the car shell top carrier thing.  They are here with their cousin Kaylee.  Doesn't she just fit right in with our girls?  They had a lot of fun when she was out for Thanksgiving.

Janice and Todd's mom came out early.  And we enjoyed the extra time with them.  The first day we brought out and canned 10 pumpkins.  Thanks for the help.  They didn't even grumble.  They said it gave them something to do while we chatted.  But we were all done canning by the time we finished it.

Quiet Sunday afternoon out at Grandpas with Grandpa, uncle Melvin and Kaje sleeping!

The girls like helping feed the kittens, but the kittens didn't.  Anyone want a kitten?

Kolt put on and clunked around in Grandpa's old shoes for a while.  Wow have shoes changed since Grandpa was little.

Bonding time with Grandpa and Kaje!!

Lorna came out too with her little ones.  It was great because I sent Todd and the girls back into town for school, and me the younger kids stayed out and just visited.  I didn't catch up on sleep, but I did catch up on my sisters in laws!!

Here Mom and Grandma Cook are both crafting while we visited.

Deaverie is a week older than Kolt and loved the baby.

Jancie, Lorna and I learned how to make these ruffle scarves.  It was fun and frusterating.  But by the end, we each had one done!! We maybe talked more than we knitted.  But that's good too.

Grandpa and the kids played out some,  but it was cold for a lot of the week.  We played night games one night: the older kids and the dads, and mom and I.  It was a lot of fun until Todd ran over his nephew.  Todd didn't seem him, and Wyatt didn't move.  Wyatt tagged Todd though.

We took lots of pictures and it was fun as Grandma got a picture of lorna taking a picture of grandma.

The actual meal went really well, even considering we were cooking for 35 plus people on one stove.  The line went down the hall.  It was good food.  I was shocked when no one had heard of green beam casserole.  I thought it was a thanksgiving staple.  Rich appreciated that I made it.  He, like me, grew up in Washington. 

Friday morning us girls went and helped me with my paper route.   They were very impressed.  And then they took me black friday shopping for the first time.  It was fun.  Although Tri-Cities doesn't get as crazy as even Idaho Falls.  It wasn't bad.  But I stood in line for an hour for 4 yards of fabric, but I got it $50 off.  :)

After shopping, Trent, Uncle Brent, and I took the kids out to the river.  IT was foggy.  And we didn't stay long.  But we went up to the fish hatchery there.  And that was amazing--ofcorse my camera batteries died.  But we saw all the trout.  There were so many!  And then the owner came out and gave us a tour.  We saw a preditor tiger fish.  The kids got to hold stergions.  And he showed us his pets.  It was fun to learn so much.

Kolt often asked in his own way "can I eat now?"

Todd played games with Trevor and the boys a couple of times.  And everyone had fun!!

Kaje meeting uncle Trevor. 

IT was a fun week!  And we very much enjoyed getting to spend some much needed time with the Nef side of our family.  I've wondered about saying we need to do New Years Eve in Boise.  But since my sister has already planned a party...I will put it off till next year maybe.

October 2013

It seems like Kolt has grown over night, both boys really.  Kolt is 16 months.  2 more months until nursery, not that anyone is counting.  He and I are starting to spend a lot more time in the foyer as he wants to run and play during my classes.  But he looks more grown up to me; he acts more grown up too.

 These two pictures were taken about 3 weeks apart.  In the top one, I was changing Kaje's diaper and Kaje smiled at Kolt.  Here I was able to catch Kolt smiling back.  He often comes up "baby, baby, baby." And talks to his brother and checks on him.  Below is Kaylyn helping brother get his lip gloss on.  Oh the things boys endure when they are the youngest of several sisters.

 And ofcorse, Kaylyn needs her picture taken too.  I love her eyes!!  Back to Kolten though.  We sat down to dinner tonight.  Daddy was making garlic bread to go with an amazing crock pot lasagna. And he asked who wanted some.  We heard three little "mes."  And then Kolten piped up "ME."  He does not want to be left out.  When they went to run an errand, Dad asked again, who wants to come?  And all 4 kids ran out the door.  "me, me" including Kolten.  He is growing up so much.  Thing week he has said "baby, me, and seeyoulater."  He is also drinking out of a cup.

 Kaje is now two months.  It's hard to believe. He is growing so fast.  He was small, small, and then just this last 10 days, he has started chunking up and growing.  He is the most patient baby I have ever met.  He goes to anyone.  He only screams if you ignore him too long.  Otherwise he is very content.  He's started cooing just a bit.  When he's upset, instead of out right crying, he'll just make a noise.  I love my little Kaje.  Friday night, we snuggled him up in his snuggly, put a rice sock hot pad next to him, and let him cuddle up with mom's shirt.  He slept 8 blissful hours!!  I am hoping this becomes a trend.  But when I'm out late, I've noticed he won't go to sleep.  He keeps acting like he wants to eat, not eat well: until I put him in his snuggly or swaddle him. Then he settles right down and goes to sleep.  He is also a pro at holding up his head.  And it's been fun as he is starting to look at people.

 Aunt Dot who gave him this shirt had her birthday this month and announced she is pregnant.  This is a hard fought for pregnancy and we are all very excited.

 This month was also Halloween. The girls carved their own pumpkins this year, with varying degrees of help.  I am now in the process of canning all the pumpkins I can get my hands on.

 And here is my vampire, bee, and super hero.  With me as a new mummy, and Kolt as a skeleton.

 The top is Kaje in his carrier.  He loves to be cuddled up to mommy.  And I love the carrier saves my arms.  We walk to school and this keeps him warm.  I think he's funny how he really likes to have his head back like this.  He will also try to tuck his face in my arm pit to sleep.  Silly boy.  Of all our kids, Kaje has the most nick names.  We call him Kaje.  He could go by AJ or KJ.  I have a few relatives who call him Tommy which is his middle name.  Really Kolt is the only other one we shorten his name.  And Kolt just goes by Kolt.

Turning point

This clip is from a movie called "What dream may come."  Spoiler alert: I'm about to summarize the movie.  Skip this paragraph if you want to go watch the movie.  It's about a man who finds his soul mate.  When they lose their children in a tragic accident, she ends up in a hospital.  He fights for her.  And they finally make it through that.  And just as things are starting to get better, he dies.  She really struggles with it and commits suicide.  And he goes to hell to bring her back.  When it seems he is going to fail, he offers this apology.  And he chooses to stay in hell with her.  And in the end, they are all united as a family in heaven.

Todd and I had a rocky start.  After I had Kylee I struggled with postpartum depression.  It was hard.  It was at a time when I wondered if I had married the wrong man.  He shared this movie with me.  And then he said "this is the kind of man you want."  And there was a lot of truth in that, but after watching this movie I felt "this is the kind of spouse I need to BE."
We had many rough years after that.  I feel like we finally figured out how to be married at 5 years.  Then we could build from there.   It was not an easy road, but it's been worth it. We have fond memories now.  And I'm not saying I'm this amazing wife.  I'm not.  I yell. I throw fits.  I struggle to keep my house clean and all the appointments straight.  I have a long way to go, but I keep trying.  But Todd has turned into the kind of man I've always wanted.  I don't want anyone else ever.  He works so hard for us.  He loves so much.  He is kind and patient.  He has always made me laugh and giggle.  And despite my flaws, he thinks I'm amazing and beautiful.

I've thought a lot about Gone With The Wind over the years too.  Rhett really was the perfect husband for Scarlet, but she doesn't realize this until she's lost him.  I wonder if this happens to much in our society.  If we take what we have for granted because we want something we can't have.
I share this not to hurt feelings.  But my dad is so happy in his new marriage.  And I can't help but think he could have had everything he has now, and so much more, if he would have treated my mother the way he is now treating his new wife.  If he would have kept the promises he'd made their wedding day and treasured her, he could have had it all.  But instead, he was abusive and made her feel small.  I'm proud of him for trying to change and break that cycle even if a lot to late for our family.
I am so grateful that Todd has been patient with me as I have struggled with my own demons.  I am who I am today because of his love.  He tells me I'm beautiful, and I believe him, but I also believe it's only because he loves me so well.  And hopefully, I can be as good for him as he has become for me.
I have hope that I will get there.  His aunt put her arms around me last time she was out. And she shared with me how glad she was that he found me because she has never seen him so happy.  I don't share this to brag.  I put it here to remind myself and hopefully give someone else the strength and courage to keep plugging through the hard times, to wake up the next day and be just a little bit better, to learn to love imperfect people.  There is something special about family.

One month old

 Kaje is one month old.  He is now 7lbs 12.5 oz.  He is still in newborn clothes.  I'm not sure what percentage he falls into.  His eyes are open and a deep blue.  He looks around.  He has found both thumbs and he will suck his thumbs.  He is my only baby who will take a binky.  And he is a great nurser.  He nurses a lot in the morning, lunchtime, and evening.  And then he doesn't eat much in between: maybe a quick 10 minute snack.  It's been nice. He likes to be snuggled.  And he is a very easy going baby.  We are so glad he came to our family.

 Kolten has decided he likes his brother.  He insists on being able to hold him.  He comes and talks to him.  It's cute!

My little photographer

I often find pictures like this when I download pictures.