I am 31 weeks pregnant. My doctor promised me this week--he's not letting me go for more than 8 more weeks!! It is getting close, and I'm getting excited. Part of being this far along is that baby boy nef is growing!! He's big enough that half way through the night--either when Todd gets up to do the papers or if miraculously I sleep through that at about 4 am when I roll over and realize I have to use the restroom--I have really bad heartburn. I think it's because he's so big that the juices in my stomach have no where else to go but back up--unless I put something in my stomach half way through the night. No big deal, except that I struggle with a bit of insomnia. So I am usually up for an hour or two at night. Which is annoying because he's growing fast enough that I'm usually tired these days. As my OB says "I'm so sorry you feel pregnant!" Right?? So I try not to complain--but this is why I am sitting at the computer at 2:30 am. And I'm going to share with you what has kept me up tonight at least.
It was last Sunday I shared the parable of the noodle with my ward--they loved it!! It was most people's favorite part of my talk. If you don't remember it--go back a few posts, it's so good, I shared it with you too. But then during RS, we got talking, and I was thinking, and I saw an experience I had a few years ago in a whole new light. I share with you the parable of the lamp:
When we first moved to Washington, we thought we had a job making double what Todd was making as a construction worker. And once we were up here, it didn't work out! It took us two months to find a job. And we were hurting by then. We had moved up here on our last dime and a prayer. My mom even gave us the last tank of gas to get us home. Todd's grandparents were kind enough to let us stay with them. And we ended up moving into their motor home for 9 months while we got back up on our feet. Before we got the motor home in shape enough that we could move out into completely, my girls were into everything. Karla was 2 and Kylee had just turned one. Grandma Cook was going through chemo and didn't feel well. I didn't realize how bad she felt until I just how good she felt when she finally recovered. I don't blame Grandma for wanting her pretty things around her to help feel better. I didn't blame my children for being fascinated by them either. And we didn't have the funds to move. So I attempted to watch my two children 24-7, so that no bad happened. I found out that I am not supermom. Kylee was fascinated with a lamp. Grandma's brother-in-law had hand carved and painted it for her. It was a bear getting hunny out of a tree. It was beautiful. Todd had put it up out of Kylee's reach, but Grandma liked having it close where she could see it and put it back. We didn't feel we should move it again. So I just watched Kylee very closely. But one night, after dinner, I was trying to clean up (I was still under the mistaken idea we could be a blessing and a help to them.) And Kylee in the few minutes I had looked away, She finally was able to get that lamp. She broke it.
Emotions ran high all the way around. I think Todd's aunt didn't talk to me for about 3 years after that. But Grandma being as talented as she is--she was able to eventually get that lamp glued back together. I was so impressed. Only Grandma and I saw where the glue was that seemed it all back in place--unless you looked really close. And we moved to town. It was 2 to 3 years later when Todd's brother came into town. They were staying with Grandpa and Grandma, and we went out there to spend time with everyone. This time Grandma had put her beautiful lamp up--in the back bedroom--on the tall dresser. The kids started playing a game--and they were climbing into the back bedroom window to look out over Grandpa's farm. And believe it or not--with ALL the kids that were back there--Kylee was the one who knocked the lamp off the dresser while she tried to climb up where she wasn't suppose to be!! I was devastated!
And I tearfully helped pick up this beautiful lamp and all it's pieces again.
After it was all cleaned up, Grandma found me trying to recompose myself in the other room. She put her arms around me. And we cried for a minute. Then she said "You and Kylee mean more to me than that lamp. I don't want to stop coming around just because something got broke. I treasure our relationship more than that."
It meant so much to me to then. But as I look at that experience now, I can see our Heavenly Father and the Savior saying it to me too. "I know, you sinned AGAIN." Especially when it comes to something I've really struggled with--promised I'd never do again last time I repented--and here I am slipped up again. But I can see our Savior with his arms around me, after we have shed a few tears, saying "You mean more to me. I don't want you to stop coming around just because you slipped up again. I treasure our relationship more than that. Repent again, this too can be forgiven!" When I feel so unworthy of that wonderful relationship we've built, the Savior and I, when I feel I don't deserve to be forgiven--and usually I don't deserve to be forgiven--I am going to think of Todd's amazing Grandma putting her arms around me again. If she can not give up on Kylee and I--how much more can my Savior be patient with me too.
Don't give up!! It's not easy, but it is so worth it. And to this day, Grandma has never held that against Kylee or me again. We still LOVE to go see Grandma Cook.
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