My paper route

I delivered my first newspaper the summer after my father left my mother.  It was our bishop's route.  He was going out of town and needed a sub.  My mom said we'd do it.  Cyntha, Mom and I all got up and went and delivered his route just a few blocks from our apartment.  After subbing for him a few times, the District Manager (DM) Dustin asked if we'd sub someone elses route--and thus it started.  By the time school started, we had our own route.  It would often paid the electricity bill, but sometimes it made prom or the band trip possible.  So we all got up at 4 am and ran our routes, and then come home with 10 minutes to get ready for school.  It worked. 
When money got tight after Kylee was born and I lost my daycare clients, I found myself picking up a paper route.  For a while in Albuquerque, we supported ourselves on 4 routes!  And when Todd went back to school, I went back to papers.  We had subbed routes some before Kaylyn was born, but we went back to full time.  I worked up to two huge routes.
It was just after Todd had quit his job to bring his grades up that the horn rapids route came available--it was a bigger route that was actually quicker to deliver than the one we had.  We were trying to switch to that route for a while.  Because of the recent changes in our money, I wondered if I could deliver both.  For a while, I had someone fold my papers for me.  But when she got sick, I found I could do both routes on my own.  450 to 475 papers.  My biggest customer took 4 papers.  They were mostly single delivery papers.  But it was a driving route.  I would get my papers between 1:45 and 2 am.  I finished about 6 am.  My mom didn't want me to try to do 2.   She didn't think I could do it, and she worried I would lose my public assistance.  And I did lose quite a bit of assistance, but I could do it.  And I felt good for being able to earn it.  It was hard, but I was able to make $2200/month delivering papers before my children woke up. 
When Tri-City Herald moved their presses out to Yakima, Yakima promised to have papers to Tri-Citys by 2:30 am.  It would have been hard, but I could have made that work.  We now get our papers about 3:15 am on good days.  5 am on bad days.  I have some customers that are just SCREAMING about the time I can get their papers.  I have a few customers that are just down right disgusted with me.  I hang on to the few who have said "You are an awesome carrier, we just need our paper earlier. So if we quit, don't take it personally." 
I had one customer who kept yelling that he didn't get his paper.  I made sure he got it, but he didn't stop complaining.  I was finally told if it kept up that "changes would have to be made."  The only change Tri-City Herald could or would make was me.  So I started taking a picture of his paper daily and texting it to my DM.  But they just didn't believe me anymore.  And I gave in my notice that I would drop one route at the end of the year and maybe the second. 
Then it happened.  The customer I had taken the pictures of complained again.  My DM was able to say but here is the proof.  And they decided they don't know what his problem is then.  And they believe me again.  She said, finally, "I don't want you to quit."  She even said that if we could just figure out Sundays maybe we could keep it.  Yeah we could both deliver on Sundays I think.  That is something we could--and I was back to thinking about keeping my routes. 
That day was a good day--and I finished my residential by 6 am that morning.  And I got really hopeful.  Maybe I'd figured it out.  I finished the business section by the 7:30 I needed to be back to let my babysitter get to her classroom. 
The next day wasn't as good.  I finished the residential by 6:15--They could live with 6:15.  But the next few days were awful!!  I didn't finish the residential until 7:15.  And I had to finish the business after I got the girls off to school. 

Having to give up this route has been heartbreaking.  I had a best friend back in collage.  And I fell for him hard and fast.  He was the kind who made everyone feel amazing about themselves when they were around him.  He was creative, energetic, and a lot of fun. He was one the only guy who made my knees go weak until I got married.  I not only wanted to marry him, but I knew the Lord approved.  Unfortunately, he didn't get the same message.  I put everything into that relationship, and it wasn't enough.  I had a day where I felt used up and thrown out. I haven't felt that way since until now.  I have tried so hard to be the best carrier my customers have had.  I have tried to go above and beyond.  And my very best just isn't enough.  I am heartsick, but I have to drop atleast half my customers. 
Whether or not I drop the other route depends on my babysitter. If she will do it for half price--so I can afford it, I'll keep the route.  Part of me hopes she won't and I can be done with papers. We could go camping again.  Vacations become easier.  But if she'll do it for less, I can make enough to pay the car payment.  And that would be good.  I like working while my kids are sleeping.  I'll keep it, but not if I don't make any money.
I feel at peace about it--when I pray and give it to the Lord.  It's work to remember to leave this stress with Him.