Hard Things

Last winter, Kaylyn started having headaches.  She slept all the time.  She got about 3 hours a week off of having headaches.  We still don't know why.  When spring came, they went away.  They have been back this winter but on the pain scale they are 3s instead of 8s.  

This started a process--what if it's our house?  So we tried to move.  We could not find a rental that would let us move in, in our price range.  They say we'd have to upgrade to a 4 bedroom because we've had the boys.  And we just can't afford a 4 bedroom rental in Tri-Cities.  So we tried to buy a single standing house.  Again, in our price range what we could find needed to be fixed up and our loan again and again said no to every house we found.  We even tried to find houses in Pasco and Kennewick--which we really didn't want to leave our school district.  

September 15th we ended up buying our rental.  It's a 1944 government house called an A. An A house is a duplex with 3 bedrooms and bath upstairs, main floor of livingroom, dining room, and kitchen, with an unfinished basement: laundry in the basement.  They previous owners have put an addition on to the rental side with laundry and a half bath.  

We had to paint it to buy it.  And it took so much more work than we had ever imagined.  But we finished it and it's now ours.

We inherited renters.  The Kreitzers use to be our best friends.  That's the sad part.  If it had happened a year ago, we could have talked and worked things out.  And everyone would have been happy in the end.  Unfortunately they decided we weren't worth having as friends.  It's hard to say why someone else makes the decisions they do--but to the best of my knowledge: it was an argument over pinewood derby trophies.  I even tried to give her, her way.  I think I really gave her husband's way, but it was what she had asked for.  Also, her dog got sick.  I know they blame me for it.  I don't feel responsible.  I also now blame them for my miscarriage I just had.  I doubt they feel responsible for the stress that caused me to miscarry.  

So we have a had time talking.  Occasionally when they are in good moods we have a friendly conversation. And when they are in bad moods, we avoid them as much as we can when they feel that way. Because when they are in bad moods they treat us like my dad use to treat me.  I'm learning to not allow it while being kind, but it's a process.

Kreitzers have been fed up with the house and wanting to leave for a long time.  We gave them 90 days at their current rent and with no deposit and no notice needed--and they could leave.  Unfortunately they have ran into the same problems we did trying to move--and add pets to that.   But January 1st came and it was time to sign a new rental agreement.  They weren't pleased that rent needed to go up.  And they didn't like the shared yard.  (We had offered to build a fence in October with a lease agreement, they said don't bother we're moving).  Now they really wanted the fence.  We built the fence.  They still didn't like the contract although their reasons were less... communicated to us.  They did ask for us to spread out the deposit.  We wrote up a new contract--dropping rent to between what they were paying and what we were asking.  In the new contract it broke up the deposit--giving them 3 months to pay it.  And they wouldn't even talk with us.  We've had to give them their 20 day move out notice.  I'm still not sure if they will sign a contract in the next few days or just move out.  We're learning what it will take to evict them.

It's stressful.  Although the nice thing about them moving is we won't ever be in this position again.  No one will move in without a signed contract.  And I really do believe (after fasting and praying for them) that they will be happier not in this house, and not being our neighbors.  But I'll admit it's hard and stressful.  Stressful enough to probably cause a miscarriage.

Jonah was a prophet...

I started this as a facebook post, and as it got longer and longer--I realized it really wasn't a facebook post.  So here I am journaling it.  I have been saying I need to be better about keeping my journal again.  Maybe 2016 I will...maybe.  I have other goals that mean more to me than that.  So we will see.
Kaje came on the paper route with me this morning.  Which had me singing follow the prophet instead of my normal routine.  One verse says "Jonah was a prophet, tried to run away.  But he later learned to listen and obey." And that's the lesson I usually get for the story.  I've also focused on the lesson of forgiveness.  We are all sinners and if I want God to extend mercy to me--why wouldn't he extend that same mercy to others?  Today I really heard and pondered the second half of that verse: "When we really try, the Lord won't let us fail; That's what Jonah learned deep down inside the whale."  And I am asking myself really?  As I am dealing with a house I didn't want to buy and tenants who hate me.  But I am trying to listen and obey.  I remember the last time I asked really? When we were singing the last vs to I believe in Christ.  "I believe in Christ so come what may."  I thought those very bold words at the time.  And I tried the Lord, and I have found that all things do work for the good of those who put their trust in the Lord.  I find I learn better from music then I do from talks anyway.  But if that was true--I believe this will be too.  I do believe that our hymns and primary music are inspired.  And what a promise!
On another note--maybe because I did do the papers and my children cuddled with me instead of letting me go to bed early, so I'm a bit rambly this morning--I love being in primary.  I've talked with some about the struggles and drama that comes with organizing the Primary. I joke that someone else could have it.  And then not so jokingly about how I've usually avoided drama especially within my ward--And now I'm smack dab in the middle of having to deal with it.  This is my least favorite part.  This has been my hardest lesson.  But other than the drama--I love being in primary.  I love the music.  I love the kids.  I love the ladies I get to work with--the men aren't so bad either.  I love teaching (once I've actually planned it).  I am learning to enjoy the organization of it all too.  I have come to learn in a powerful way that this is the Lord's work.  And He makes it work out because it matters to Him.  I only have a small part in that--and it is a pleasure.  And I am grateful for these grown up moments when my testimony is strengthened and expanded in ways I would have never imagined just because I'm singing primary songs with my son (and trying to memorize all the verses to Follow the Prophet.)  Go figure.
I read recently on facebook "I don't want to be the kind of Christian who appears perfect.  I am flawed, that's why I need Christ."  And oh baby, I am flawed.  And I'm being stretched.  And I'm learning and growing and isn't that what this life is all about?  I really do try though.  I am not a half hearted person.  Never have been.  And I do try to give it my all.  And atleast I didn't have to be swallowed by a whale to learn it myself.

It's been a crazy year.

It's been a crazy year.  And I have not been good about journaling.  I'm not promising to start now.  But I have a few minutes now, so I thought I'd say hi!!  We recently tested Kaylyn for some scary stuff.  Thankfully it's probably just allergies.  And things are going better.  But just in case we made sure to get update family pictures before anything happened (like her hair falling out or worse).  She is a sweetheart and an angel.  She is such a blessing to this family and I'm grateful she doesn't have to go through it!!

 So Karla has started playing the violin and the clarinet.  Practicing is another story.  But we are going to attempt to practice together this summer.  She is a sweetheart.  And she uplifts those around her.  She is doing so well in her combo 4/5 class she got student of the month last month in Excellence.  We are very proud of her.

 Kylee too is growing up. Her best friend is Katie Hallet.  Which works for me because Katie's mom is one of my best friends too.  They struggle some, but they are going to be movers and shakers once they figure it all out.  Kylee's 3rd grade teacher Ms. Hively has been so shocked that Kylee is such a different creature than Karla.  Kylee does really well in school and once she decides it's worth doing, Kylee jumps in with both feet, focuses, and gets it done.  Kylee is also really good with the boys and has been a real help at home. We are working on kindess though.

Kaylyn is cute and funny.   She makes us laugh.  School work is not her strong point: people are.  She plays well with kids 3 or 4 years older or younger than her.  She is patient with people.  She loves on us all.  Her and I enjoy cuddling together lately. We've had some very interesting talks as I've tried to teach her about the atonement.  I have learned so much from her!

Kolt is growing to be quite the buddy.  He calls Kaje the other baby.  And asks if he's still mommies baby: which means he wants to go cuddle in my bed and watch "quack, quack" or Donald Duck!  He say "bababa" for banana's.  He's cute.  and He is growing into such a little man!!  He is a big helper in nursery too.

Kaje just started nursery.  He finally started walking at 16 months!  This boy has been slow to grow up.  But I have enjoyed holding him!  He is coming along.  All of his words are people oriented: hi, bye, mommy, daddy, Karla, Kylee, Kaylym, and Brother!  Both boys refer to the other as: brother.  Atleast there is only two.  Kolt's first word other than mommy and daddy: ball.

Todd had knee surgery last February.  It knocked him out for a while, but he's up and going again.  Not much keeps him down!  He was teaching the CTR's 8s, but needed to be released when I was called as Primary President.  He is now the weblos den leader.  The Primary President scared me.  I haven't been in a presidency since high school.  But I can tell the Lord has prepared me for the things I've needed to do.  He's strengthened me to be able to do what is needed.  And it's been a lot of fun.  I don't want to be anywhere else.

We feel at home in this ward in a way I've never felt at home before.  We tried to buy a house just before Kolt was born.  It fell through days before signing over stupid stuff (The mobile home had been moved once before). But it was because the Lord knew we were needed here.  And we needed to be here for us too.  It's been a good fit.  Now if we could just find a place in ward boundries that we can put a miniture milk cow....that would be a miracle in deed.

2014 the first trimester

Here is Kylee all dressed up and snazzy.  We've had an wonderful start to 2014.  Everyone is growing so big.  Kylee is preparing to be baptized this summer.  Kaje is getting so big.  He was small and then he ate and ate and ate and slept and slept and slept and he woke up a size bigger.  Here is his first time in the back pack instead of the snuggly wrap.

 Everyone still loves to snuggle with Kaje.  Kylee comes and finds him in the morning and snuggles with him for a few minutes before school.  Here Kaylyn is reading Kaje a book.  Love it!!

 Kaje has found his foot and when he's not wearing socks or foories likes to chew on them.  He is also a thumb sucker big time.  He's my first to be interested in sucking anything other than nursing.

Kaylyn has been enjoying preschool with Mia, Ophelia and then Emma.  He loves to pose for the picture.  This one is funny because this is her Jonathan shirt.  This is because Jonathan will dress up as a leprican on st Patricks day.

 This year we got new neighbors. God probably hand picked them just for us.  They are amazing.  They have a girly girl Kaylyn's age that Kylee and Kaylyn both claim as a best friend.  And then they have boys Karla's age and just older.  Not to mention I adore her!  We often sit and chat on our porch.  But the most amazing part in all of this--Todd and Jacob would be friends even if TeriDawn and I weren't.  It's amazing to watch Todd as he has really gotten to know and befriend our new neighbor.  So we have started cleaning up our yard.  It's been sadly neglected for atleast 3 years.  Todd and Jacob moved our fence and opened up our back yard a lot.  The kids like the cement block that they can now enjoy riding on.  And the pool is up.  We've also put in some strawberries, a garden, an herb garden, some raspberries, and we are working on bringing the yard back.  It's been hard but a lot of fun.  It's even more fun doing it with good neighbors.

 Kaje is sitting out with us.  He is to the point that he doesn't like to be left in an empty room without someone with him.  He'll cuddle and talk to anyone, but don't leave me alone.  UNLESS he wants to sleep.  Then he doesn't like to be rocked to sleep anymore usually.  Lay him down and walk away.

 Kolt has grown a ton.  And we are finding that language is one of his special talents.  He is very good at expressing himself.  He asks me every morning and several times a day "where's daddy?"  He LOVES his daddy.  This is a few pictures of daddy and Kolt while daddy was home on his lunch break.  Kolt loves to cuddle with daddy.  And work outside with daddy.  And he is not shy about it!!

 But can you tell how much his daddy loves him too?  He has just started doing this cheesy smile every time I pull out the camera and say smile.  He is so stinking cute!! I adore this boy!!

 And this boy!!  I have to include a few pictures of this growing boy.  HE is starting to play with his tongue.  He is a very content boy.  He doesn't roll a lot because he is content where he is.  He is starting to lean and want people though.  And so I'm sure the movement is coming.  And he has started grabbing food.  He ate half my dinner the other night.  And he ate a whole pint of pumpkin smoosh.

 We can get cute smiles out of him, but when he is really happy--it's like I'm smiling so big my mouth becomes an O.

 Kolt helping in the garden.  He turns very red like me.  I'm afraid this boy won't tan.  Now the question is will he be like me and tan red--or is he going to freckle like his dad?  Despite popular belief, I believe freckles are very cute and attractive.

Now the one thing I haven't talked about is Todd's knee.  He blew it out trying to pick up his hand truck of paper to deliver.  He dislocated it and then it relocated and dislodged a piece of cartilage.  In doing so, he also tore both the meniscus and ACL tendons.  They are going to go in there and smooth out the tendons and clean out the cartilage.  Todd's finally feeling better and able to work as long as he doesn't lift to much.  But as soon as all the stupid insurance paperwork is done--they will fix it.  And then it's 8 to 12 more weeks for him to feel better again.  I'm glad it's fixable.

What if Mulan had made her match

What if the matchmaker had made a match for Mulan?  One, it would have been a very short and boring movie.  But more importantly, Mulan would have been preparing for her wedding.  And when the men came to inlist her father, she would have been preparing for a wedding or already married.  Her father would have gone instead of Mulan.
Further more, Because the little dragon wanted Mulan to have a chance to see action--he sent the army out.  If Mulan and her spirit dragon wasn't there, the training troops would have never left the camp.  And there would have been no one to notice that the army had been demolished! And the enemy would have had no opposition on their way to the emperor.  This is not even addressing the inspiration Mulan gave the trainees.

Sometimes we feel like a screw up.  But what if our screw ups lead us to the place that we can help as many as a whole nation?  We never fully realize the impact our one little ripple in the sea of life can make.  I do believe that God has a plan.  And it will sometimes be hard.  But in the end, happily ever after is waiting if we choose to trust in God's plan and follow where HE leads.

Sleeping Beauty and the risks of love

Does anyone else every think of things like this?
I attended an amazing reception tonight. And as I was helping take down tonight, I thought about Sleeping Beauty. After the black fairy curses Aurora, the good fairies change the curse so that she needs true loves kiss instead of dieing. And then in their attempt to keep her safe, they never let her meet anyone. What if she never met the prince. She would have slept forever waiting for a love she never met and loved. Thank goodness she didn't. She chanced--against the better judgement of her aunt fairies--and she loved. And in the end, that love was her saving grace.

Love is hard.  Love is work.  Love is scary.  You will get your heart broken.  And the only way to protect from that is to not allow yourself to fall in love in the first place.  But it's worth the broken hearts to enjoy love while it lasts.  And to find that one who will love you for forever.  That kind of love will save you.  It will change you into someone better.  It will teach you lessons you could never learn any other way.  It is just as hard and scary as fighting the dragon.  But anything that is that worth it, isn't easy.

Soap Box: Phil of Duck Dynasty

There has been controversy over a TV show called Duck Dynasty.  I don't watch it although I think Todd and I might enjoy it if we did.  We don't watch a lot of TV.  But I wanted to state my two cents.  For two reasons, one of them being so that when my children are faced with similar problems they know where I stood and what I believe.  And two, I think that to often christian conservatives wish the fight to just go away.  We want to be tolerant and loving.  We are not out looking to fight.  And because of that, we have been bulldozed by those who are vocal but who are few.  It's time to politely stand up and say enough is enough!

You can look up the articles I'm sure.  But the shortened condensed version is that the actor said some remarks about gays.  And now A&E network has banned him from the show.  The official statement on that from the family is "We want to thank all of you for your prayers and support. The family has spent much time in prayer since learning of A&E's decision. We want you to know that first and foremost we are a family rooted in our faith in God and our belief that the Bible is His word. While some of Phil’s unfiltered comments to the reporter were coarse, his beliefs are grounded in the teachings of the Bible. Phil is a Godly man who follows what the Bible says are the greatest commandments: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart” and “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Phil would never incite or encourage hate. We are disappointed that Phil has been placed on hiatus for expressing his faith, which is his constitutionally protected right. We have had a successful working relationship with A&E but, as a family, we cannot imagine the show going forward without our patriarch at the helm. We are in discussions with A&E to see what that means for the future of Duck Dynasty. Again, thank you for your continued support of our family."

I have two arguments.  First off, A&E is a private business.  It is not run by the government.  They have the right to stand up and say we don't agree with your anti gay statements or beliefs so we are going to suspend you. It needs to go both ways though people.  The one thing that bugs me more than anything else is the hypocrisy.  It's great that A&E has suspend the anti gay actor.  But when the local flower shop said we would like to respectfully not do the flowers for your gay wedding there was a lawsuit from the state.  They did not say you couldn't shop here.  Just that we do not want to support your wedding.  It's a private business.  Hobby lobby should have the right to do business the way they believe.  A&E should get the same shake.  When I have an opinion, I stick to it with both sides.  I do not want to take A&E's right away.  I say to A&E if you really believe that way--stick to it.  Don't be bullied into and then slack off because of the money.  Do it for principle.
BUT I want to also say I think it's hypocritical from the gay activist.  We are preached to about being more tolerant.  But tolerance is only a one way street right now.  There is no tolerance for those who are old fashioned.  Anyone who still believes in bible based values: there is no tolerance for those who want to speak out about those values.  We have a freedom of speech until we give it up.  I WILL NOT GIVE IT UP WITHOUT A FIGHT.  And there is a war going on to suppress Christian, bible based, conservatives.  I will fight for your right to play R rated movies on the TV.  I got rid of my TV, atleast for now. You are free to state how backwards you think Phil is for saying that sodomy is sinful, but shouldn't he be free to express his opinion as well?  He was crude, but Phil was not hateful.  He was not vindictive.  He was not violent.  And He wasn't being a bully either.  Read his statements.  Look at how he treats people.  If he was treating people badly or being violent, bullying, or the such--then it's a different conversation.  But he wasn't, he isn't, and he has a right to state his beliefs just like everyone else.  Even if those beliefs seem to be outdated.

To this point I haven't stated how I believe on the subject of gays--but I say it now.  I agree with him.  I think it's sinful.  Having said that, we had a lesbian couple as next door neighbors. We were polite and friendly.  We gave them gas money when they needed it.  We offered a cup of sugar, and we borrowed salt.  We tried to be good neighbors and treat them with the respect that as a human being they deserved.  However, their smoke made me sick.  And it annoyed me when it came in my house.  I was glad they moved out not because of their sexual preferences but because of normal neighborly things like their smoke and a water issue.  But we tried to be good neighbors.

Kaje's blessing

After Thanksgiving while family was out, we blessed Kaje.  We blessed him at the Jadwin Chapel in the RS room.  Our poor recently called 2nd counselor (Brother Halter) set up 12 chairs for us.  And we filled the room.  We feel so loved and supported. 

 Todd gave him the name of Kaje Thomas Nef.  I've put in past posts the significance of that name to us.  In the circle was Grandpa Cook, Grandpa Tingey, Uncle Trent Nef, Uncle Sean, Uncle Jonathan, and brother Halter.  Their families also attended along with Uncle Byron Burrup, The Woods, The Christiansens, The Hallets, the Hanks,  The Vances came down from Seattle.  Uncle Rich would have stood in the circle, but he had to get back to work, so we enjoyed his family.  Uncle John came and my dad and his wife Sandra.

Kaje wore an outfit that Todd's mom gave us.  This is an out fit that Todd wore as a boy.  It's not the traditional white.  And Kaje would have fit in Kolt's traditional outfit, but then I would have had to choose who to give it to.  All of my kids have been blessed at different sizes so they all have their own blessing outfit to take with them when they become parents.

 Natalie, Aunt Lorna, and Devarie who is one week older than Kolten.

 TJ and Kaylee

 Garth and my Dad

 Grandma and Grandpa Cook

 Todd and Kolten

 Quinn and Kaje

 Janice and Kaylee

Cyntha and Sean. I have some cute pictures of Dot, but they all have her kids in them.  And because they are foster kids, I can not post their pictures.  But they are cute kids.
After we blessed Kaje, Grandpa Cook ordained Trevor to be a priest.  He kept trying to ordain Trent, but Trent gently reminded him it was Trevor. 
It was so good to have everyone there.  And Kaje is now in the records of the church!  We are so grateful to have him as part of our family.

Thanksgiving/November 2013

Daddy making Kolt feel better.  They may have had a rocky start.  But Kolt is all daddy's now!

In November, all the kids got their teeth cleaned.  We came to learn that Kaylyn has bad teeth.  She had 4 cavities, one cap, one root canal.  No more skipping brushings when we travel or stay up late or skipping flossing.  She was very upset when she came out of the anestesia.  She screamed until it wore off.  But she screamed they hadn't fixed her teeth yet.  She still doesn't like to talk about it much.  She is showing off her wand and crown here she got for being such a good girl.

Kaje has started sleeping through the night, most nights.  He also went from being itty bitty to big all of a couple of days.  And he has learned to smile.   He loves to be talked to!!  He use to cuddle up, and now, he is always leaning back trying to see your face.

This picture of Kaje warms my heart and helps me do hard things.  I also like this picture of our kids helping daddy to clean our the car shell top carrier thing.  They are here with their cousin Kaylee.  Doesn't she just fit right in with our girls?  They had a lot of fun when she was out for Thanksgiving.

Janice and Todd's mom came out early.  And we enjoyed the extra time with them.  The first day we brought out and canned 10 pumpkins.  Thanks for the help.  They didn't even grumble.  They said it gave them something to do while we chatted.  But we were all done canning by the time we finished it.

Quiet Sunday afternoon out at Grandpas with Grandpa, uncle Melvin and Kaje sleeping!

The girls like helping feed the kittens, but the kittens didn't.  Anyone want a kitten?

Kolt put on and clunked around in Grandpa's old shoes for a while.  Wow have shoes changed since Grandpa was little.

Bonding time with Grandpa and Kaje!!

Lorna came out too with her little ones.  It was great because I sent Todd and the girls back into town for school, and me the younger kids stayed out and just visited.  I didn't catch up on sleep, but I did catch up on my sisters in laws!!

Here Mom and Grandma Cook are both crafting while we visited.

Deaverie is a week older than Kolt and loved the baby.

Jancie, Lorna and I learned how to make these ruffle scarves.  It was fun and frusterating.  But by the end, we each had one done!! We maybe talked more than we knitted.  But that's good too.

Grandpa and the kids played out some,  but it was cold for a lot of the week.  We played night games one night: the older kids and the dads, and mom and I.  It was a lot of fun until Todd ran over his nephew.  Todd didn't seem him, and Wyatt didn't move.  Wyatt tagged Todd though.

We took lots of pictures and it was fun as Grandma got a picture of lorna taking a picture of grandma.

The actual meal went really well, even considering we were cooking for 35 plus people on one stove.  The line went down the hall.  It was good food.  I was shocked when no one had heard of green beam casserole.  I thought it was a thanksgiving staple.  Rich appreciated that I made it.  He, like me, grew up in Washington. 

Friday morning us girls went and helped me with my paper route.   They were very impressed.  And then they took me black friday shopping for the first time.  It was fun.  Although Tri-Cities doesn't get as crazy as even Idaho Falls.  It wasn't bad.  But I stood in line for an hour for 4 yards of fabric, but I got it $50 off.  :)

After shopping, Trent, Uncle Brent, and I took the kids out to the river.  IT was foggy.  And we didn't stay long.  But we went up to the fish hatchery there.  And that was amazing--ofcorse my camera batteries died.  But we saw all the trout.  There were so many!  And then the owner came out and gave us a tour.  We saw a preditor tiger fish.  The kids got to hold stergions.  And he showed us his pets.  It was fun to learn so much.

Kolt often asked in his own way "can I eat now?"

Todd played games with Trevor and the boys a couple of times.  And everyone had fun!!

Kaje meeting uncle Trevor. 

IT was a fun week!  And we very much enjoyed getting to spend some much needed time with the Nef side of our family.  I've wondered about saying we need to do New Years Eve in Boise.  But since my sister has already planned a party...I will put it off till next year maybe.