Turning point

This clip is from a movie called "What dream may come."  Spoiler alert: I'm about to summarize the movie.  Skip this paragraph if you want to go watch the movie.  It's about a man who finds his soul mate.  When they lose their children in a tragic accident, she ends up in a hospital.  He fights for her.  And they finally make it through that.  And just as things are starting to get better, he dies.  She really struggles with it and commits suicide.  And he goes to hell to bring her back.  When it seems he is going to fail, he offers this apology.  And he chooses to stay in hell with her.  And in the end, they are all united as a family in heaven.

Todd and I had a rocky start.  After I had Kylee I struggled with postpartum depression.  It was hard.  It was at a time when I wondered if I had married the wrong man.  He shared this movie with me.  And then he said "this is the kind of man you want."  And there was a lot of truth in that, but after watching this movie I felt "this is the kind of spouse I need to BE."
We had many rough years after that.  I feel like we finally figured out how to be married at 5 years.  Then we could build from there.   It was not an easy road, but it's been worth it. We have fond memories now.  And I'm not saying I'm this amazing wife.  I'm not.  I yell. I throw fits.  I struggle to keep my house clean and all the appointments straight.  I have a long way to go, but I keep trying.  But Todd has turned into the kind of man I've always wanted.  I don't want anyone else ever.  He works so hard for us.  He loves so much.  He is kind and patient.  He has always made me laugh and giggle.  And despite my flaws, he thinks I'm amazing and beautiful.

I've thought a lot about Gone With The Wind over the years too.  Rhett really was the perfect husband for Scarlet, but she doesn't realize this until she's lost him.  I wonder if this happens to much in our society.  If we take what we have for granted because we want something we can't have.
I share this not to hurt feelings.  But my dad is so happy in his new marriage.  And I can't help but think he could have had everything he has now, and so much more, if he would have treated my mother the way he is now treating his new wife.  If he would have kept the promises he'd made their wedding day and treasured her, he could have had it all.  But instead, he was abusive and made her feel small.  I'm proud of him for trying to change and break that cycle even if a lot to late for our family.
I am so grateful that Todd has been patient with me as I have struggled with my own demons.  I am who I am today because of his love.  He tells me I'm beautiful, and I believe him, but I also believe it's only because he loves me so well.  And hopefully, I can be as good for him as he has become for me.
I have hope that I will get there.  His aunt put her arms around me last time she was out. And she shared with me how glad she was that he found me because she has never seen him so happy.  I don't share this to brag.  I put it here to remind myself and hopefully give someone else the strength and courage to keep plugging through the hard times, to wake up the next day and be just a little bit better, to learn to love imperfect people.  There is something special about family.

One month old

 Kaje is one month old.  He is now 7lbs 12.5 oz.  He is still in newborn clothes.  I'm not sure what percentage he falls into.  His eyes are open and a deep blue.  He looks around.  He has found both thumbs and he will suck his thumbs.  He is my only baby who will take a binky.  And he is a great nurser.  He nurses a lot in the morning, lunchtime, and evening.  And then he doesn't eat much in between: maybe a quick 10 minute snack.  It's been nice. He likes to be snuggled.  And he is a very easy going baby.  We are so glad he came to our family.

 Kolten has decided he likes his brother.  He insists on being able to hold him.  He comes and talks to him.  It's cute!

My little photographer

I often find pictures like this when I download pictures. 

Kaje's future is so bright, he's got to wear shades

At Kaje's one week check up, Dr. Ray Gavino noticed that Kaje was jaundiced.  We ran the test and he was at 20: disappointedly we went back to the hospital.  We spent the night and the next day in the hospital under the blue lights.  Kaje wasn't too sure about these, but give him his pacifier and he did fine.  Kaje really does have a laid back attitude.  Reminds me some of his dad.  Although, the nurses wanted him to sleep on his back on the light.  As you can see in the pictures, this little guy had his own ideas.  This boy can move!  He'd get his feet clear down on the glass side.  He rolled onto his side.  He even got himself clear turned and down on the end.  Other than that, we nurses and pumped and pumped and nursed.  I watched burn notice for the first time and NCIS and the home remodeling shows.  I also worked on making heart shaped hand warmers that I've given to those who watched my kids lots for me.

Kaylyn goes to White Bluffs

orientation day

 As we were checking out of the hospital, We got a call that Kaylyn got into preschool.  This year at Lewis and Clark they had to add extra Kindergarten classes.  They choose to keep Kindergarten at Lewis and Clark, and White Bluffs is hosting Lewis and Clark's preschool class.  So technically, it's a LC class, a LC aid, A White Bluffs teacher, and a WB class.  We drop off at LC and they bus to WB.  Confused yet?  But it is working out.  I'm sure the rebuilt LC will have a few more classrooms.

This is her actual first day of class.

 Kaylyn has been so excited.  She struggles a little that it's an afternoon class.  Can I go to school yet?  But she is loving it.  Her favorite things have been the play dough and reading little red hen.

 After first day of school pictures: she still asks me to take a picture of her getting on the bus.

Her teacher is Ms. Leggeit with Ms. O as her aid.  She has loved it!  And I think she is very ready for school.