October 2013

It seems like Kolt has grown over night, both boys really.  Kolt is 16 months.  2 more months until nursery, not that anyone is counting.  He and I are starting to spend a lot more time in the foyer as he wants to run and play during my classes.  But he looks more grown up to me; he acts more grown up too.

 These two pictures were taken about 3 weeks apart.  In the top one, I was changing Kaje's diaper and Kaje smiled at Kolt.  Here I was able to catch Kolt smiling back.  He often comes up "baby, baby, baby." And talks to his brother and checks on him.  Below is Kaylyn helping brother get his lip gloss on.  Oh the things boys endure when they are the youngest of several sisters.

 And ofcorse, Kaylyn needs her picture taken too.  I love her eyes!!  Back to Kolten though.  We sat down to dinner tonight.  Daddy was making garlic bread to go with an amazing crock pot lasagna. And he asked who wanted some.  We heard three little "mes."  And then Kolten piped up "ME."  He does not want to be left out.  When they went to run an errand, Dad asked again, who wants to come?  And all 4 kids ran out the door.  "me, me" including Kolten.  He is growing up so much.  Thing week he has said "baby, me, and seeyoulater."  He is also drinking out of a cup.

 Kaje is now two months.  It's hard to believe. He is growing so fast.  He was small, small, and then just this last 10 days, he has started chunking up and growing.  He is the most patient baby I have ever met.  He goes to anyone.  He only screams if you ignore him too long.  Otherwise he is very content.  He's started cooing just a bit.  When he's upset, instead of out right crying, he'll just make a noise.  I love my little Kaje.  Friday night, we snuggled him up in his snuggly, put a rice sock hot pad next to him, and let him cuddle up with mom's shirt.  He slept 8 blissful hours!!  I am hoping this becomes a trend.  But when I'm out late, I've noticed he won't go to sleep.  He keeps acting like he wants to eat, not eat well: until I put him in his snuggly or swaddle him. Then he settles right down and goes to sleep.  He is also a pro at holding up his head.  And it's been fun as he is starting to look at people.

 Aunt Dot who gave him this shirt had her birthday this month and announced she is pregnant.  This is a hard fought for pregnancy and we are all very excited.

 This month was also Halloween. The girls carved their own pumpkins this year, with varying degrees of help.  I am now in the process of canning all the pumpkins I can get my hands on.

 And here is my vampire, bee, and super hero.  With me as a new mummy, and Kolt as a skeleton.

 The top is Kaje in his carrier.  He loves to be cuddled up to mommy.  And I love the carrier saves my arms.  We walk to school and this keeps him warm.  I think he's funny how he really likes to have his head back like this.  He will also try to tuck his face in my arm pit to sleep.  Silly boy.  Of all our kids, Kaje has the most nick names.  We call him Kaje.  He could go by AJ or KJ.  I have a few relatives who call him Tommy which is his middle name.  Really Kolt is the only other one we shorten his name.  And Kolt just goes by Kolt.

Turning point

This clip is from a movie called "What dream may come."  Spoiler alert: I'm about to summarize the movie.  Skip this paragraph if you want to go watch the movie.  It's about a man who finds his soul mate.  When they lose their children in a tragic accident, she ends up in a hospital.  He fights for her.  And they finally make it through that.  And just as things are starting to get better, he dies.  She really struggles with it and commits suicide.  And he goes to hell to bring her back.  When it seems he is going to fail, he offers this apology.  And he chooses to stay in hell with her.  And in the end, they are all united as a family in heaven.

Todd and I had a rocky start.  After I had Kylee I struggled with postpartum depression.  It was hard.  It was at a time when I wondered if I had married the wrong man.  He shared this movie with me.  And then he said "this is the kind of man you want."  And there was a lot of truth in that, but after watching this movie I felt "this is the kind of spouse I need to BE."
We had many rough years after that.  I feel like we finally figured out how to be married at 5 years.  Then we could build from there.   It was not an easy road, but it's been worth it. We have fond memories now.  And I'm not saying I'm this amazing wife.  I'm not.  I yell. I throw fits.  I struggle to keep my house clean and all the appointments straight.  I have a long way to go, but I keep trying.  But Todd has turned into the kind of man I've always wanted.  I don't want anyone else ever.  He works so hard for us.  He loves so much.  He is kind and patient.  He has always made me laugh and giggle.  And despite my flaws, he thinks I'm amazing and beautiful.

I've thought a lot about Gone With The Wind over the years too.  Rhett really was the perfect husband for Scarlet, but she doesn't realize this until she's lost him.  I wonder if this happens to much in our society.  If we take what we have for granted because we want something we can't have.
I share this not to hurt feelings.  But my dad is so happy in his new marriage.  And I can't help but think he could have had everything he has now, and so much more, if he would have treated my mother the way he is now treating his new wife.  If he would have kept the promises he'd made their wedding day and treasured her, he could have had it all.  But instead, he was abusive and made her feel small.  I'm proud of him for trying to change and break that cycle even if a lot to late for our family.
I am so grateful that Todd has been patient with me as I have struggled with my own demons.  I am who I am today because of his love.  He tells me I'm beautiful, and I believe him, but I also believe it's only because he loves me so well.  And hopefully, I can be as good for him as he has become for me.
I have hope that I will get there.  His aunt put her arms around me last time she was out. And she shared with me how glad she was that he found me because she has never seen him so happy.  I don't share this to brag.  I put it here to remind myself and hopefully give someone else the strength and courage to keep plugging through the hard times, to wake up the next day and be just a little bit better, to learn to love imperfect people.  There is something special about family.

One month old

 Kaje is one month old.  He is now 7lbs 12.5 oz.  He is still in newborn clothes.  I'm not sure what percentage he falls into.  His eyes are open and a deep blue.  He looks around.  He has found both thumbs and he will suck his thumbs.  He is my only baby who will take a binky.  And he is a great nurser.  He nurses a lot in the morning, lunchtime, and evening.  And then he doesn't eat much in between: maybe a quick 10 minute snack.  It's been nice. He likes to be snuggled.  And he is a very easy going baby.  We are so glad he came to our family.

 Kolten has decided he likes his brother.  He insists on being able to hold him.  He comes and talks to him.  It's cute!

My little photographer

I often find pictures like this when I download pictures. 

Kaje's future is so bright, he's got to wear shades

At Kaje's one week check up, Dr. Ray Gavino noticed that Kaje was jaundiced.  We ran the test and he was at 20: disappointedly we went back to the hospital.  We spent the night and the next day in the hospital under the blue lights.  Kaje wasn't too sure about these, but give him his pacifier and he did fine.  Kaje really does have a laid back attitude.  Reminds me some of his dad.  Although, the nurses wanted him to sleep on his back on the light.  As you can see in the pictures, this little guy had his own ideas.  This boy can move!  He'd get his feet clear down on the glass side.  He rolled onto his side.  He even got himself clear turned and down on the end.  Other than that, we nurses and pumped and pumped and nursed.  I watched burn notice for the first time and NCIS and the home remodeling shows.  I also worked on making heart shaped hand warmers that I've given to those who watched my kids lots for me.