Me

With Todd going back to school, I have been doing a lot of thinking. Paper routes tend to do that to me. I studied English and Photography at Ricks. I loved both subjects, but when I moved into the secondary education classes...they weren't what I expected.
I know there is a time and a season for everything under the sun. And my time to go to school is not now. Right now, my priority is helping 3 young girls figure out who they are and who they are going to become. And that's exactly where I really want to be. My dream has always been to be a stay at home mommy. Having kids has only strengthened that wish. I don't want to miss it. I just wish I could be better at being a mommy.
But if I knew then what I know now--I would have still studied English and Photography. I love those subjects. I would have studied the editing aspect of English rather than the teaching aspect. I didn't think I enjoyed editing although I loved working in the writing center. But I should have seen that I do. And editors make good money and can often work from home. I don't know if I would have survived the schooling though. The one grammar class I took was worst than the education class. I also think I would have enjoyed teaching--but what I really want to teach is college 111 or 101. I would love to run my own writing center. Jared, a co-worker of mine, just started running his own writing center. I'm not sure I could have made it through the required schooling though. A masters? me?
I have also learned that I love languages. I always knew that I loved them, but they did not come easily to me. If I went back now, I would study to be an interpreter: sign language, spanish, french. I would love to learn them all.
Another thing I have known about myself is that I would make a good massage therapist. But I decided not to pursue that route because of my father. I feared that everyday I would go to work and say "Look Dad, I'm doing it and your not." You know, I don't think much about my dad anymore. I could do it now. And I might, someday.
I would love to take a painting class. I really want to get a program (off the TV but on tape) and buy the supplies and just try. This is why I love photography. I can make art without being talented. The biggest secret I've learned about photography is to take a lot of pictures. We would take a whole roll to find just one picture. I found if I take 150 pictures there are several I like. Todd makes fun of me a little for all the pictures I take. But when I capture that one picture--I don't hear it.
I want to make beautiful cakes like Lorna. I want to be able to make my girls' prom dresses. I want to be able to help them feel like a princess. I want to make beautiful things like Mom. I want to learn to play the guitar. I want to write a book someday. My hardest assignments in creative writing was always the children's stories. I never wrote one I was proud to call mine--although my kids love the one I kept. The surprising thing is that I have a children's book idea that I think is really good. We will see. I want to someday write a novel. I want to write a song. It's about 100 little regrets but that I don't regret my girls. I'm not good at song writing.
(And maybe this doesn't fit here) I do want to serve a mission with Todd. I want to serve in Welfare Square.
I want to be a person of God. I want to be quick to forgive, quick to lean of faith, quick to trust God, quick to turn to God. When my family thinks of me, I want to be remembered as loving. I want to be a person that my mom is proud of while still staying true to myself. I have a friend, Eric Jones, who makes everyone he comes in contact feel like a million dollars; like they are the most important person in the world. I always felt better about myself after having spent time with him. I want to be like that. I want others to feel better about themselves because they were with me. Maybe I want to be superwoman--heck, I also want to keep a clean house--not spotless but one where people feel they can always drop by, one my family is comfortable in.
It will be interesting to look back and read this after my baby graduates from high school or gets married and see who it is I really do become.