7 years and counting

This time 7 years ago I was sick and just coming down with the Flu. Todd had just gotten over it--and he had it worse than I did. I remember that Dad, Mom, and I were canning salsa. It seems like it was salsa. Then Tiffany came and got me--"Todd's thrown up. He's yours now. You clean it up." Todd doesn't usually get sick, but on occassion he gets REALLY sick. And this was one of those times. I haven't seen him that sick since. Tiffany than concluded that it must be love if I would clean up after him. I took Thursday off work because I did NOT want to be sick. I'm trying to remember if I took wednesday too...

But the 19th will be a crazy day for me--so I thought I'd get it up before hand. This year Todd and I have a first time homeowners class to attend. We're not sure it will be possible to buy, but it's better to be prepared. I also work at 5 pm with Johnny. And then on Monday both Kylee and Todd start class. We are using Rodney's gift card to go to Applebee's, but with my new job--we aren't sure when we will go. I think our first anniversary after Todd graduates we are going away for the weekend. But you know how plans go--last time we planned a big anniversary I ended up very pregnant...come to think of it I think it happened twice that way.

So in the last 7 years:
We have lived in 9 homes, three states, and with 4 different families (splitting apartments, having friends crash with us or crashing at friends places). We have had 3 beautiful girls. Todd has had 9 jobs. We've had 5 paper routes. We've paid off all but $2,500 of debt equaling about $34,000 paid (16,000+ being our car). We've canned 6 out 7 summers. And we've survived. To top it off, we are more in love than ever before!

But it we've had our rough spots too. When we were engaged we had a bumpy couple of weeks. I went to the temple and sat in the celestial room. I read through Ruth. If we did wedding vows that would have been mine. "Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me." I married Todd. We got to a point that I would not bring more children into our unstable family. And then Christ worked in both Todd and I--and amazing things happened. So Kaylyn is a living testiment that I know we are going to stick it out for the rest of eternity. And that I love and respect that man Todd is becoming. She is named Kaylyn Ruth. That is one reason anyway.

I feel I should admit one of the struggles we've had. Normally, I would not post this personal of information. But I feel I should and that it might help someone. So I will lay my heart out there. I wanted to blame all of our problems on Todd. It was easy to blame him. And he certainly contributed. But when Kylee was born I struggled with post-pardom depression. I even became suisidal. Thankfully, I always had my children with me. And if I had done something desperate, they would not have been safe. I know the Lord protected my children and me. I ended up on anti-depressants, and then I started attacking all the things wrong in our lives that lead me to that dark place. It has been an incredible journey--that we are still on. The first step started when I realized that I still had feelings for one of my old beaus that wasn't okay seeing as I was a married woman. I loved Todd desperately. But I needed to resolve these feelings. I made sure I had no contact with this young man because I didn't trust myself. I told Todd what was going on--and he was so patient and understanding with me. He said he wasn't perfect either. And since I had been patient with him, he could be patient with me. He never once brought it up. But he took confidence that I had choosen him, and then I had stayed with him. I wrote in my journal a lot. I wrote what Sister Morgan called a blood essay. I prayed and prayed because I didn't know how to resolve this on my own. I also strengthened my relationship with Todd. And after a long wait, the Lord took all those feelings away. I got to see this young man at my friends wedding recently--and when I saw him I knew that all those feelings were gone. I testify that marriage is ordianed of God and should NOT be taken lightly. And the Lord will give no commandment save he prepareth a way to accomplish the thing which he has commanded. I could not have done this alone, but God could. Keep fighting and stay the course! Because eternal families are worth fighting for. I am so grateful for my amazing husband. I am amazed at how much he loves me. I know I am beautiful because he sees the beauty in me. He has taught me so much. He strengthens me with his support and belief in me. He is my best friend, my partner, my help mate, my husband, my lover, the father of my children, my roommate, my support, and my other half.